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Monday, August 9, 2010

What I Wish I Wouldn't Have Said.

I was at Walmart the other day, and I had the twins in their usual spots in the shopping cart--Lauren up front/top, and Kyle in the lower big basket area sitting in his Bumbo.
A SUPER sweet lady with three of her own kids in tow stopped to ogle the twins, share her own story of her twins, and then comment on how good my twins were in the shopping cart. And then she kept on. She asked how old they were, how she couldn't believe how lucky I was to have three year olds who aren't running amok, how well-behaved they were in the shopping cart, etc. I didn't know whether to tell her or not. And so I did.

As it turns out, there's not much shittier than telling a totally well-intentioned fellow mother that the kids she thinks are so well-behaved are only sitting still because their bodies don't allow them to do otherwise. It blows chunks, even. She back pedaled and apologized and she felt so bad, and I tried to tell her it was okay, I understood and I don't feel bad and neither should she, but she had to go because her kids were dragging her and my cashier was ready for me but all I wanted to do was grab a coffee with her to swap fun twin-mom stories and make sure she knew that she didn't offend me.

So if she's reading this: you didn't offend me, my friend. I like it when adults talk to me. And I am always happy to talk about SMA and my twins, and my oldest is who is a model helper and will make an excellent babysitter one day. I never intended for you to feel bad at all, and I am always happy to hear of the fun stories and achievements of others' children. It makes me sadder to think that you felt sorry for choosing to talk to me. Please talk to me again, if you see me. You can't miss me--I travel with a talking circus (the children). I hope I see you again.

4 comments:

  1. I always teeter on whether or not to tell well intentioned adults about Nicholas's SMA. Most of the time people say, "Oh he's so cute, he looks tired." Which of course, he does since he cannot sit up great in his stroller and he doesn't move a whole lot. Most of the time I just say, "Yep. He's tired." Because sometimes when I tell people about his disease they start apologizing and start feeling all sorry for us and that just makes me feel bad. Because they now feel bad even though most of the time I think people can tell that there's something wrong with him. It's always tough, but you handled it with grace. :)

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  2. The good news is that before encountering you and your travelling circus, she probably had no awareness of what SMA even was - I know *I* didn't until the twins enterred the world! So, you have given her a gift even if she felt awkward at the time. By mentioning it in a casual exchange, giving it on opportunity to "get out there" for just one more person, there's more awareness in the world. And the next time she happens upon gorgous babies who need a little extra love and attention due to SMA she doesn't have to feel awkward anymore. She gets to say, "OH! I met the more adorable set of twins at the store the other day with SMA!"

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  3. I think you did exactly the right thing. The mom may be just as sorry she didn't stick around and chat more. She should follow you on Twitter!

    And you DO have an adorable set of twins :)

    'Lucy'

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