Dear Mr. Permobil

Dear Josh the Permobil Salesman,

Thank you for loaning us this $25,000 wheelchair. You didn't even check to see if our home security alarm system was truly functioning before you let us keep it indefinitely--you're either very trusting or just stupid. I think you're just trusting, for what my opinion is worth. Because you're smart and adorable and I can't call you stupid until I know where you went to college (please don't say Ole Miss or Arizona State).

So I have like ten square feet of space inside the house for the two year olds to try out your chair. As it turns out, the chair we really want them to have is the more expensive chair, but it's good that we have this "cheapie" to practice on.

I'm writing to you because of the weather. They cannot drive this chair inside my house. As it turns out, I value drywall which is intact, with no holes. A serious bummer for my children driving a $25,000 demolition machine. So they can only drive it outside. On a cloudy day. When it's less than 110 degrees. Which means they've had a total of 10 minutes in the last two months to spend in your chair.

If you could spare this ridiculously expensive robot of a chair until November, that'd be great. You can rest peacefully with the knowledge that a) our security system indeed is funtional, lest a burglar spy your wares inside the house and think he could steal it for himself and b) my husband would cook for you, as a token of gratitude for all this time you've let us spend with your BMW I mean your chair.

Have I mentioned that this chair is only barely less expensive (by about $3k) than the phat minivan in my garage, the one with the electric everything, leather seats, and onboard DVD player? And I have I mentioned that for $25,000 your chair at LEAST could have a DVD player? They're like $79 these days, FYI.

Lots of love, kiss kiss.
Your next paycheck,

Cassandra Byrd

p.s. your chair also sometimes serves as a $25,000 clothes line. Bathing suits and towels have been known to congregate, and dry out, on your chair. I'm sure you don't mind.